So, last night, I was having a chat with one of my lovely friends. In our conversation, the theme of confidence and beauty came up.
(Post Updated 22/04/19)
She said that she knew she was “not pretty”, which honestly took me by surprise – because I think she’s amazing – and then she said that was the reason she was single.
So, as most friends would do, I reinforced the fact that she is beautiful. But then (Hypocritically) I said: “That’s the reason I’m single!” And carried on to say, “Other than me being stupid, weird, annoying,
Being ugly is up there with the reasons for my singularity.”
I read this back to myself and realised something: We are all hypocrites! Hypocrites in the sense that we have no problem telling someone else they’re beautiful/handsome or complementing them but, when it comes to ourselves, all we can find are flaws.
We seem to be unsatisfied with our looks and our talents, me included! I’m going to give you a tiny insight into my mind. Be warned: this could get weird!
When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see what you see. (In fact, I don’t know what you see, if you want to tell me please comment below.) I look in the mirror and see a young man who is ugly. I see a fat elephant looking back at me. What I see is not what you see.
(Do you all understand about my mind being weird?)
I feel that a lot of my problem lies, and maybe yours as well, with comparison. Not just to images seen in the media but to friends and family.
In my recent experience, I compare myself to my male friends who I’d call “perfect”, meaning that they are tall, healthy, go to the gym regularly/do a sport, handsome, charming, the kind of guy that any girl would be happy to be her boyfriend. So that basically encapsulates everyone but me! I hope you’re wondering, why did he put perfect in speech marks? I put perfect in there because it is something that we as a people have created. Real perfection (in relation to looks) is just being yourself. That’s what it should be anyway. I said that confidently enough to sound like I believed it. At the moment, I don’t believe that but I’m trying to.
I’m trying to believe that one day I’ll find a girl who will love me for me as I still think of that as an impossibility. I’m trying to believe that I am attractive. And I’m trying to be satisfied with who I am. The key word in that is trying!
I’m not there yet and I have no clue when I will be. But I am putting things in place to try and boost my confidence:
1. Spending time with God, finding out who he wants me to be and who I am in Christ.
2. Positive affirmations, they may seem pointless but they slowly but surely seep their way into your subconscious.
3. Going to the gym/doing exercise, I’ve always been insecure about my weight and now I’m starting to do something about it.
4. Analysing my face and body, Okay so this one sounds weird, but by knowing your face/body, you pick your favourite part, in my case, my eyes, and then your least favourite part, my body fat, and I tell both parts of my body that I love them.
You can use these tips or none at all or some, it’s up to you. All I ask is that you TRY to love yourself. That’s all I ask. And in return, I will TRY too!
I know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!
Be beautiful, brilliant and confident.